Bakemonogatari Short Story by Nisio Isin – Hitagi Figure Translation

Hitagi Figure (ひたぎフィギュア Hitagi Figyua) is a short story from the Monogatari series written by Nisio Isin and included in the Bakemonogatari Premium Item Box. The box contains the Senjougahara Hitagi nendoroid, 3 clear posters and 3 badges feat. Senjougahara and this short story.

This is my first time translating a story from Japanese. Please give suggestion/correction/changes wherever needed! ^_^

Note: The story contains huge spoilers for the character, Ononoki Yotsugi and the Tsukimonogatari arc

Japanese:

化物語
短々編：ひたぎフィギュア
西尾維新

アニメから入ったかたはもちろんのこと、フィギュアから入ったかたにはまったくわけのわからない、繋がらなくなってしまうシチュエーションだとは思うが暴力陰陽師．影縫余弦さんの式神であるところの斧之木余接との奇妙な同居生活が始まった直後頃、戦場ヶ原ひたぎが阿良々木家を訪ねてきた。
何をしに来たのかと言えば、僕の受験勉強の様子を見に来たのであるーつまり、訪ねてきたと言うよりは、「阿良々木くん、お勉強をサボってないでしょうね」と、尋ねてきたと言うのが正確なところだ。
ただ、実際には彼女はその質問を口に出すことはなかったーなぜなら、彼女は僕の部屋に置かれたぬいぐるみを見て、絶句したからだ。
毒舌でならした戦場ヶ原が二の句が継げない状況というのもなかなかのシチュエーションだが、しかし当然ながら、男子高校生の部屋にぬいぐるみがある程度ののことで、絶句する彼女ではない。
そのぬいぐるみこそが正に斧之木余接だったから、戦場ヶ原は絶句したのだ。
「いや、別にこのぬいぐるみの正体がなんだったところで、彼氏の部屋に等身大の人形少女が置いてあったら私は絶句するけれど。。。。。。」
ドソ引きしていた。
一瞬後ろを振り返ったのは、別に帰ろうとしたわけではないのだと思いたい。
「何これ。どういうこと？彼女として説明を求めるわ」
「うや、色々わけはあるんだが。。。。、説明しようとすると、色々と不具合が。。。。」
不具合というか、ネタバレだ。
怪異がらみのことで戦場ヶ原に秘密を持たないと誓った僕ではあったが、別に内緒にしようというわけではなくとも、説明の難しいことはある。
果たしてかつて殺し合ったとも言える相手をぬいぐるみとして家に置いているという状況を、どう論理立てて説明する？
「。。。。まあ、阿良々木くんの受験勉強の妨げにならないのであれば、なんでもいいのだけれど。
段々妖怪ハウスみたいになってきていない？
阿良々木くんの家？」
「妖怪ハウスって。。。」
酷い言いくさだ。
しかしまあ、僕自身が妖怪みたいなものだと思えば、僕が住めばどこだって妖怪ハウスになってしまいかねないーとは言え、斧之木ちゃんは人前では完全にお人形さんの振りをしてくれているので、戦場ヶ原に指さされようと撫でられようとほっぺたチューされようと、無反応だった。
振りではなく、正しくお人形さんなのだがー「ていうか何してんだ、お前は。僕のぬいぐるみだ。ほっぺにチューするのはおかしうだろ」
「好奇心を刺激されるわ。そして忘れているかもしれないけれど阿良々木くん、私は可愛い女の子が大好きななよ」
「それ、神原の設定じゃなかったっけ。。。？」
神原が一方的に戦場ヶ原に懐いていたという、バアルハラコンビの設定も、いい加減怪しくなってきた。
「これ、持って帰っちゃ駄目？」
「駄目に決まってるだろう」
「どうしてもダメ？」
「片仮名にすれば、なんで通るんだよ」
「ドウシテモダメ？」
「片言になってどうする！」
僕達のやり取りにも斧之木ちゃんは無反応だった。
戦場ヶ原がインターホンを鳴らすまで、動いて喋っている姿を知っている僕さえ、本物の人形なんじゃないかと思うほどの無機物っぷりだーいやだから、斧之木ちゃんは本物の人形で、本当の無機物なのだが。
ただし本を正せば材料は人間の死体であるということも思い出すと、恐ろしくおぞましものが僕の部屋にあるということはなりかねないのだったー
それを撫で撫でしている戦場ヶ原の姿も、魔女さながらだ。
「そう。どうしても駄目なのね。でも私は、阿良々木くんの駄目を思って言っているつもりだったのだけれど」
「阿良々木くんの駄目を思うな。思うなら阿良々木くんのためを思え」
僕は言う。
「で、僕のことをどう思えば、お前が斧之木ちゃんを持って帰るって話になるんだよ。」
「だって受験勉強をするのに、こんな可愛らしいぬいぐるみにじっと見られていたら、気が散っちゃうでしょう？集中できなくなるんじゃなくって？
「じゃなくって？　って。。。」
夫人かよ。
ただしそれは鋭い指摘だった。
厳密に言うと斧之木ちゃんは、僕ではなく、妹の月火の持ち物ということになっているので、ずっと僕の部屋にいるわけではないのだが、ただ、彼女の見てくれの可愛さにかかわらず、誰かに見られながら勉強をするというのは、あまり心地のよいものではない。
「ふふ。でも大丈夫よ、阿良々木くん。こういうこともあろうかと思って、持ってきたものがあるの」
「こういうこともあろうかと思っていたんなら、冒頭で絶句したお前と繋がらなくなりだろうが」
「阿良々木くんの明暗を分ける私の名案、聞きたい？」
「聞きたくはないが。。。」
聞かざるを得ない。
「可愛いフィギュアを無効化するためには、より可愛いフィギュアを用意すればいいのよ。じゃーん」
戦場ヶ原はそんな効果音と共に、持ってきていた鞄からそれを取り出した。
「ゴッドスマイルカンパニーさん制作、ねんどろいど「戦場ヶ原ひたぎ」。机の上にこれさえ置いておけば、たとえどんなに木が散ろうと、サボる気なんて起きないに違いないわ」
「。。。。。。。。」
こいつ、なんの衒いもなく、本当に素直なタイアップみたいなことしやがって。。。。！
名案も何も、よく考えたら僕を見る視線が倍に増えてだけのような気もするけれど、というわけで、最後には僕が絶句したのだった。
「おはようからおやすみまで、暮らしを見守るひたぎフィギュア。注　髪の毛は伸びません」
「取り替えられるけれどな」
「受験のお供に一家におふたつ、如何でしょう」
「もうひとつ買ってもらおうとするな」

Translation:

Bakemonogatari
Short Story: Hitagi Figure
Nisio Isin

I feel that this is a situation which for those who have come here through the anime it is quite obvious, while those who have come here only through the figure will feel that nothing makes sense. It was soon after my weird co-existence with the violent onmyouji, Yozuru Kagenui’s shikigami, Ononoki Yotsugi had begun*; Senjougahara Hitagi came to visit the Araragi residence.
As to why she came, more than saying that it was to see how my preparations for my university entrance exams were going, it would be more accurate to say that she came to ask “Araragi-kun, you are not slacking off on your studies, are you?”
But, actually, she did not ask me that question. Because, she was struck speechless on seeing the plush doll that was in my room.
For someone like Senjougahara who is quite used to using sharp words, a situation where she couldn’t put together two words has to be quite something. Still she is not someone who would become speechless on something on the level of seeing a plush doll in the room of a male high school student.
The reason Senjougahara became speechless was that the plush was actually Ononoki Yotsugi.
“Of course, irrespective what a plush’s true form is, if I had come across a life-sized doll of a girl in my boyfriend’s room, I would be speechless too…..”
I want to believe that when she looked back for a second, she was not thinking that she should go back.
“What is this? What is this about? As your girlfriend, I want an explanation”
“Ahhhh well, so many things happened…and even if I try to explain it, it will be too difficult and inconvenient….”
More than an inconvenience, it will be a spoiler.
Though I did swear that I wouldn’t keep secrets about the supernatural from Senjougahara, it is not as though I wanted to keep it a secret. It was just that it would be very difficult to explain it.
In the end, how do I logically explain the fact that a former opponent of mine with whom I used to fight to kill is now in my house as a plush doll?
“……well, it doesn’t matter as long as it doesn’t hinder Araragi-kun’s exam preparations. Still…hasn’t your house become like a haunted house?”
“A haunted house…?”
That is a quite a harsh way of saying it.
Still, when I’m itself something of an apparition, it is quite possible that the place I live in is like a haunted house, I suppose. As Ononoki was behaving perfectly like a doll in front of people, there was no reaction even when she was poked, had her hair stroked or kissed on the cheek by Senjougahara.
Actually, she is really a doll – “You! What are you doing? It is my plush. Isn’t it weird for you to be kissing it on the cheek?”
“It is making me curious. Also you may have forgotten, Araragi-kun, but I love cute girls.”
“Isn’t that Kanbaru’s setting…?”
Now the situation of Valhalla Combination where supposedly Kanbaru included Senjougahara by herself has become quite suspicious.
“Can I take this home with me?”
“No. Obviously you cannot take it home with you.”
“Why not?”**
“Why is that in katakana now?”
“I can’t take it, no matter what?”
“Like I said, what is the use of saying it in katakana?”
Ononoki-chan did not react even to our conversation.
The way she was pretending to be an inanimate thing was so good, that even I, who was watching her move and talk till the moment Senjougahara rang the intercom, almost believed that she was a real doll – yea, of course Ononoki-chan is a real doll and is really not alive.
Still, when I think about the fact that she is actually made from a human dead body, I cannot believe how horrifying a thing is there in my room.
And Senjougahara, who is now stroking such a doll, is also like a witch.
“Hmm, so I can’t take her home no matter what, right? I did expect Araragi-kun’s ‘no’ , though”
I thought “Don’t think of it as ‘Araragi-kun’s ‘no’; instead think of it as being for Araragi-kun’s sake”
“So, how do you have to think of me for the topic to become whether you can take Ononoki-chan home?”
“Well, if you are being stared at by such a cute plush, while you are studying for your entrance exams, won’t it be distracting? Wouldn’t it become difficult to concentrate?”
“Difficult to…?
“What are you? My wife?”
Still, it was a sharp observation.
Strictly speaking, Ononoki-chan belongs to my younger sister, Tsukihi. So it is not as though she will always be in my room. Still, it is not a very good feeling to study with someone watching you and without being distracted by the cuteness.
“Fufu, it is alright, Araragi-kun. I thought something like this might happen. So there is something that I brought for such a situation.”
“If you say that you expected something like this to happen, it is not in-line with how you were speechless in the beginning, is it?”
“I understand all of Araragi-kun’s light and dark parts; so do you want to hear my brilliant idea?
I don’t want to hear it, but…”
It cannot be avoided.
“In order to cancel out the effect of a cute figure, all you have to do is use a cuter figure. JAAANNNNN!!!”
With that sound effect, Senjougahara pulled ‘that’ out of her bag.
“A product of Good Smile Company, ‘Nendoroid Senjougahara Hitagi’. If you have this on your desk, no matter what distractions are around you, you will not get any thoughts of slacking off.”
Look at her, doing such things as though she a really honest type of girl…!
A good idea or whatever, it just feels like the number of eyes looking at me has just doubled. In the end, I was the one who became speechless.
“The Hitagi Figure to watch over your home from morning till night. Note: The hair will not grow.”
“Though it can be changed with another style”
“In order to keep you company during your exam time, how about 2 per household?”
“Stop trying to make them buy one more.”

Notes:
*This makes sense after the events of the Tsukimonogatari arc
**The ‘not’ and ‘no matter what’ are in katakana (which is used for emphasis) in the Japanese text

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